In the last article – 5 Keys to Fitness: Set Your Goal – we defined your ultimate goal – the goal you’re exciting about achieving – and in this article we’re going to continue the conversation by finding the Motive behind your ultimate goal, and uncovering the emotional connection that will assure that you reach your goal. You’re going to be asking yourself tough questions and being honest with yourself about the answers.
Previously I asked you to determine your ultimate goal, a goal that will inspire you. Now that you have that goal in mind, I want you to ask yourself why you want to achieve it. John, my friend who lost over one hundred pounds for both himself and his daughter, might have answered, “Because I don’t want my daughter to go through what I’ve gone through.”
That’s a good beginning answer. What’s yours? Why do you want to achieve your goal? Stop reading until you come up with it. If you want to start something that leads to lasting change, you need to do a little work. So, if have your reason, then continue on. If not, stop reading and begin again only when you’ve got your answer.
Do you have that honest answer in your head? Good. Now, I asked John why he didn’t want his daughter to go through what he’d gone through. What’s so bad about being overweight? What had he personally gone through? Well, people looked at him differently. He was the fat guy. There is a subtle – or not so subtle sometimes – lack of respect toward people who are overweight. Even from your family and friends. Embarrassment and humiliation walk hand-in-hand-in-hand with physical shortcomings – both real and imagined. For that matter, any physical aspect of anyone that veers away from the median is evidently subject for derision, but that’s another topic for another day.
We all like to stay near the surface. But you can’t stay near the surface and expect to be great, to win the battle against whatever it is that has held you back to this point.John knew his daughter would fight these sorts of things all her life. In college she might walk into a bar with her friends and overhear a group of guys refer to her as “the heavy one.” Or maybe she would have more difficulty getting married. Or have to settle for less in life because of built-in societal prejudices against heavy women.
He didn’t want that for her. He wanted more for his daughter. Better than he had had. Okay, why did he want more for her?
Why do you want more for yourself?
Well, John wanted more because he loved his daughter. He wanted to see her happy. They are close. There are deep connections from parent to child that John tapped into in order to achieve his goal. Because, at this point, he wasn’t exercising and eating to lose weight. He was exercising and eating to improve his life and her life, and being healthier and extending his own life so he could be around to see her grow up, and be there when she might need him later in life.
Also, John wanted to earn his child’s respect, and in the process regain his self-respect. These sorts of admissions are difficult. We all like to stay near the surface. But you can’t stay near the surface and expect to be great, to win the battle against whatever it is that has held you back to this point.
So what are you battling for? What is the prize that justifies the fight? What is really driving you? It’s just you and you here. Be honest. Say it to yourself. Don’t be lazy. If you think you don’t know what it is, it’s because you’re just going through the motions, because you do know what it is. Say it. Quietly. Honestly. You don’t have to tell anyone what really drives you. But know it, and own it, and use it. This is your true Motive, and you’ll need it for sustainable results.
What we need to tap into for lasting body transformation is the heady, emotional, deeply rooted stuff that drives us. We need to communicate with the limbic system, the part of the mind that knows no language but makes all the decisions.People look at John differently now. He achieved everything he wanted, and, really, more than he’d hoped for. His example is a stronger bond between himself and his daughter. To me, and to you, his example is even more than that. It’s a road to follow. John’s story is heady, emotional stuff.
And that’s what we need to tap into for lasting body transformation. The heady, emotional, deeply rooted stuff that drives us. We need to communicate with the limbic system, the part of the mind that knows no language but makes all the decisions. Your “gut” decisions, a somewhat fortuitous phrase in this case, have to support your grand goal.
So before we move on to the next topic, I want you to drill deep if you haven’t already done so a few minutes ago. Start with your goal and go from there – and keep asking yourself WHY – until you get down to the real reason you need to reach your goal. Not want. Need. And you’ll know when you’ve reached it. It will probably be an emotional moment. The entire process will likely be emotional. Again, if it’s not emotional on some level – if it doesn’t strike you in your gut – you’re just going through the motions.
I suggest you do your thinking in private. This personal admission and the emotion that goes with it, is what is going to fuel your decisions and drive you toward your goal. Don’t discount it, because achieving what you need to achieve rides on your willingness to ask WHY until you are certain you’ve reached the truth.
This truth – your Motive – is the first step toward redefining yourself, re-establishing associations, and creating an enhanced self-identity that includes extraordinary fitness as a base element, not just “something you have to do.” Redefinition and strengthened self-identity are what make exercise and nutrition choices easy – because they will become an elemental part of who you are.
